Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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