The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
