I just threw up on my dentist
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
