this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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