Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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