then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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