whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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