theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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