im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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