Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
