i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
