I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We talked him into tasing himself.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
