You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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