How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
