I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
