There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
