I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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