I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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