YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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