Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
