did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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