I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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