I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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