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Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
