No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
