We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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