So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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