Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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