All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
