I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
