I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
