grandma shit on top of the toilet
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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