After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
