My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
