bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
