I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
