there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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