i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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