my sisters under your porch take her home
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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