Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
