it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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