My hand turned me down
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
