I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
