what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
