Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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