i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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