I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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