I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
there is puke in my bra ... again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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