I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
