We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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