I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
