He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
