Will you blow on my dice?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize