Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
