Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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