What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
