I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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