I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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