we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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