you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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