Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
