and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
