I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
